Haven's Healing Hands

Grief Into Action. This week's guest, Lori Brooks, along with her husband Ryan, joined by family members (and fellow Board Members), Craig Reis, Dennis Ruest and close friend Allison Andrade epitomize this sentiment. 

When this beautiful boy was just 27 months old, rambunctious, curious and full of life, his sweet little sister just three weeks old - his parents found out the devastating, overwhelming news that Haven had Stage 4 High Risk Neuroblastoma. They rode a two year rollercoaster of aggressive treatments, hope and faith succumbing to relapse and devastation, culminating in a boy, once filled with energy, joy and humor, ending up in a coma for a month.

For this family, the auto-pilot, sleep-like state of just going along with the overwhelming directions of what the doctors were saying was deteriorating. The once silenced voice of the gut instinct Lori had since the beginning was demanding to be heard. Upon extensive research, they found a clinic in Kansas that utilized a nutritional, natural approach to combat cancer and were having amazing results with a Vitamin C IV Treatment. 

The trip to Kansas shed light on a whole new view of fighting cancer and more importantly, a natural way, with no side affects, to give their beloved boy QUALITY OF LIFE. I chose to highlight this picture of him on the slide, taken in Kansas, because it shows his happiness and energy after receiving his first Vitamin C treatments - following weeks of being lethargic.

God sent for one of his heroes, Haven Henry Brooks on June 23, 2014, just a few weeks before his fifth birthday.

Haven's Healing Hands Foundation was founded on August 17, 2014 by Haven's Uncle, Craig Reis, with Haven's parents, Lori & Ryan, Uncle, Dennis Ruest, Lori's Best Friend, Allison Andrade and many other close family and friends serving on its board. The foundation's mission is to help children receive the Vitamin C IV Treatment and also spread awareness about parent's and patient's rights to have a voice and a choice in their cancer treatments.

CLICK HERE to listen to the podcast dated 2/4/2016

For more information on the 501(c)3 non-profit, Haven's Healing Hands Foundation - CLICK HERE for their Facebook Page and I will update this post with their website (when it is finished) as well as any other information. 

Since coming back from Kansas, The Brooks family discovered a local clinic that provides the Vitamin C IV treatment. The Petteruti Center in Warwick, RI. Through the strong relationship between Haven's Healing Hands Foundation and The Petteruti Center, they have already begun to help children reap the wonderful benefits of this treatment. 

What I personally find the most intriguing about the idea behind Vitamin C treatment is that there isn't a downside! Here is a quote that captures the most logic with me:

Vitamin C interacts with iron and other metals to create hydrogen peroxide. In high concentrations, hydrogen peroxide damages the DNA and mitochondria of cancer cells, shuts down their energy supply, and kills them outright. Best of all—and unlike virtually all conventional chemotherapy drugs that destroy cancer cells—it is selectively toxic. No matter how high the concentration, vitamin C does not harm healthy cells.

CLICK HERE for the full article on www.drwhitaker.com

To support or get involved with Haven's Healing Hands, here's what they have coming up:

• April 16th - 6:00PM Comedy/Music/Portuguese Cuisine @ The Eagle Event Center, 35 N. Main St., Fall River, MA 02720. Tickets $30 available for purchase at St. Anne's Fraternity, 144 Guild St. Fall River, MA, or Call Lori Brooks (508) 951-1509
• March 3rd - 7:00PM FREE Truth About Cancer - Documentaries/Information 1st Thursday of each month @ St. Anne's Fraternity, 144 Guild St. Fall River, MA
• July 2016 (Date TBD) Golf Tournament for Haven's Healing Hands - Check Back Here or Haven's Healing Hands Facebook Page for more Information.
• September 20th - Wings for Haven - Sky Dive Newport - Check Back Here or Haven's Healing Hands Facebook Page for more Information.

CLICK HERE to sign the petition, Havens Voice for Choice on change.org

To Donate to Haven's Healing Hands Foundation, checks can be sent to PO Box 163, Fall River, MA 02724

Lori shared on the air that with all the advocating, posting and sharing she does online, she sometimes feels ignored. Help me assure her that this isn't true. Please comment below or on Facebook and let her know that she is being heard, Haven is being honored and most importantly, never forgotten.

The Silva Lining would like to thank our wonderful sponsors,

Forethought Life Insurance, our trusted and loyal Pre-need partner since 1990. Forethought has helped us provide the families we serve with pre-planning solutions that meet our own high standards of service. Visit www.forethought.com for more information

FINE Mortuary College in Norwood, MA. If you want gain a thorough education as you prepare for a career in the funeral industry and walk into the board exam highly prepared, FINE is the school for you.  Visit www.fmc.edu for more information

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

Treasured Memories: Organizing, Preserving and Creating Tributes with Photos and Videos

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Left to Right: Great Aunt Hilda Chadinha (late), her daughter Paula Chadinha Tucker, Uncle Martin A. Silva, my Father Paul F. Silva, Aunt Ana M. Larrivee (late), Great "Vavo" Mary Gaspar (late); all hanging out on the porch of the family's old Swansea house, no longer in existence.

A picture is worth a thousand words. It tells a story, captures a moment in time. The actual memory may pass with the witnesses, but the pictures live on forever - if we take good care of them.

This week's episode of The Silva Lining was all about how to do just that. With my guests, Silva-Faria Funeral Homes' employees; Ines Bates, our Office Manager and Christopher Graham, Wake Attendant and Professional Organizer, we had a thorough discussion about organizing, preserving, archiving, repurposing and making tributes with photos, videos, audio cassettes and more.

The podcast is definitely worth a listen, as we had some wonderful callers as well - one even shared an interesting addition to his family's photo album!

CLICK HERE to listen to the podcast, dated 1/21/16

Chris gave some great tips on the all important "where to start" notion, upon finding boxes or piles of photos to go through:

Step One - Categorize - You want to get the photos into some kind of order and the best way to do that is to sort them into categories. These are some good categories he mentioned:

• Size
• Chronological Order
• Event
• Junk (badly focused, nobody in photo, etc.)
• Refer to Family Member (for people you don't recognize, but someone might)

Step Two - Decide to Scan or Organize in Albums:

• Scanning - Gives you the most options, protection and quality in the long term. The digital image can be restored, shared, used in family histories, tributes, easily printed and backed up in multiple ways. The originals can then be safely stored, archived or given to family/friends as very meaningful gifts. The scanner we love to use is called Doxie.
• Albums - These days, photo albums are made better and smarter. There are quality albums at affordable prices specifically made to last and protect your photos. Just make sure the album is acid and ligmin free. Found this album on Amazon that allows you to record audio for each page to attach memories/stories. I think this idea is brilliant!!

Sometimes, you might come across old photos with historical value, capturing your town/city, landscapes, classic cars, landmarks, events, etc. You can always reach out to your local library or historical society - they might have an archival program in place and really appreciate adding them to their collection.

Newspaper articles are very important too and as Chris said on the show, most people immediately want to laminate them. While laminating is a good idea in terms of preservation, Chris recommends scanning the article BEFORE laminating because once and article is laminated, the quality of the scan will be lessened.

We also discussed videos. It is common knowledge that our generation takes TONS of video, but even back in the 60's and beyond, a lot of families filmed most popularly with Super 8. Finding these videos and converting them to be able to view them is a treasure in and of itself. My grandparents took their five children on a summer adventure driving around the country in an RV and filmed quite a lot of the trip on Super 8. My aunt had the film converted to DVD a few years ago and gave copies to each family member. It was amazing watching the footage and will certainly be treasured by us all for generations to come.

Film of all formats (8mm, Super 8, 16mm) and video tapes (VHS, S-VHS, VHS-C, Hi8, Digital 8 and Mini-DV) can be converted to digital form. The question is if you want to do the work yourself or outsource it. VHS to DVD converter/recorder machines are pretty affordable, still easy to find and probably your best option for doing the transfers yourself.

As for outsourcing, these sites are the best I found - and they take care of video, film, photos, slides, restoration - all at once. You send in everything you'd like transferred into digital form, they send you back all of the originals plus DVD's of the digital files. With both ScanCafe.com and DigMyPics.com you also get to review the scans and actually choose the scans you'd like to keep (and pay for!). For the video-editing-savvy, I'd recommend DigMyPics.com for their "Video Tape Alchemy" feature. Not only do they convert your film/video into digital form, but you also gain access to the editing process as well.

**Also mentioned audio!! dijifi.com will convert cassettes (my beloved mixtapes), vinyl, MicroCassette and more!

When it comes time for the funeral, pictures, video, scrapbooks, yearbooks and memorabilia really add tremendous meaning to the services. For the people that knew the person well, these things provide a ride down memory lane and usually lead to memories and stories that will be shared with family and friends. For those that didn't know the person that well, they will learn more about them and gain understanding, perspective and a deeper relationship with their bereaved friends/acquaintances that they are supporting.

When families have most of their photos and videos in digital form, creating a video tribute to play at the wake is substantially easier. Tributes are almost always made by either the family or the funeral home. Each funeral home is different in what they create, equipment they own (i.e. televisions, DVD players, digital frames) and this will have an impact on what type of format is allowed, so it is best to reach out to your funeral director to see what they use, allow and offer.

The major general difference I can talk about that rings true with funeral homes on the business end is the benefits and limitations of tributes made by us. When a funeral home makes a tribute for the family, we have to use music and stock graphics that we have legal licensed permissions to use. The only original content that is protected are the images provided to us by the family. This is why we use platform to create tributes that supply us with music and graphics that we can use.

At Silva-Faria Funeral Homes, we couldn't be happier with the platform we are using, called Tukios. There is so much customization, HD quality and due to the nature of our business - speed and efficiency in the process. I've been able to seamlessly include family members near and far in the photo collection process with a single upload link, which has meant so much to the families I've served. Best of all, the Tukios platform utilizes photos AND video! The finished tribute then is integrated directly onto our obituary page, where it will stay, along with the guest book, for anyone to view. 

Since we didn't have this platform available when my Aunt Ana died, I've remade her tribute and invite you to view it HERE. Hers was a personality that could never be captured or categorized, only treasured and embraced. She was vivacious, free, compassionate, wild, loving, contagiously fun and generous. I know that wherever she is, she's preparing quite the party for all of us.

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

Planning Ahead and Why I Won’t Talk About Pricing (On The Air)

This Week’s episode was a discussion about pre-planning funerals with my guest, Leo Dube, Jr., Advance Planning Director and an integral, highly trusted member of the Silva-Faria team. He brings to the table a wealth of knowledge in the world of pre-planning with the integrity and standard of service that we at Silva-Faria Funeral Homes pride ourselves in.

Being on the radio for a year already, you’d think little would surprise me, but this show certainly did. Twice during the show, I had callers call-in and literally take the words right out of my mouth. Telepathy must have been in the air! My first caller, just as I had finished announcing the show and was about to introduce my guest and the topic of pre-planning, bam! I get a caller. His question was about pre-planning and our entire first segment was very similar to what the first few minutes of an actual pre-arrangement meeting would be like.

CLICK HERE to listen to the podcast, dated 1/14/16

For the rest of the show, Leo and I had some great discussions about the benefits, misconceptions, flexibilities and even superstitions about setting up pre-arrangements. What it really all comes down to is a conversation.

Most people make the appointment or think about pre-arranging for two reasons: to lift the burden (financially and emotionally) off of their family; To spend down or protect assets as they are facing impending transition into assisted living/nursing home/etc. and are being told this is something they should do. Both are great reasons and one thing we highlighted in our talk is that the family should be involved in one way or another.

Setting up a funeral with a family member present is ideal because they will understand the whole process, how everything works and also know all of your wishes firsthand. If that is not possible, it is integral that a family member be aware that plans are being made. As a director, I’ve seen it too many times, where a family is calling all over the area trying to find the funeral home their loved one made plans with because their loved one talked about their funeral being “all set” but never shared where. Sometimes it’s because the person had Dementia and didn’t keep the paperwork. Sometime’s it’s because the information is just somewhere nobody can find. You just never know. My point is, to truly relieve a burden from your family, they need to know that these plans are being made.

Another aspect that comes from including family is the gift of meaningfulness. The things that can come from these conversations during pre-arrangements are like seeds planted in your family’s minds. They get time to think with you about how they’d like to honor you - and how you'd like to be honored. Personal traits, hobbies and interests come up in these conversations that can spark meaningful ways the family can add to the memorialization. Some of this creativeness simply wouldn’t come to fruit within having just a few days to handle the planning of a funeral in the overwhelming midst of grief.

Leo also mentioned some great reference articles about some financial benefits of pre-planning your funeral. There are two free reports he mentioned on the show: 

• Stop Medicaid and the IRS from Inheriting Your Savings NOW! Irrevocable Funeral Trust Laws Give Seniors more Tax-Free Options
• What is my Bank CD Costing Me?

To request either of these reports in a full .pdf version, simply email me at amy@thesilvalining.org

My second telepathic caller of the day happened to call just as I was going to remind my listeners about my weekly office hours at our Somerset location, 84 County St., Somerset, MA 02726, every Tuesday from 1-3pm. He inquired about the hours and brought up that he is seeking records on the Our Lady of Light Cemetery. This small cemetery was founded by my great great grandfather, Mariano J. Silva. It was eventually deeded over to Notre Dame Cemetery. To hear more on this history, we can all hopefully entice my grandfather, the Honorable Milton R. Silva to come back on the show. If you missed the two shows he came on previously, you can find the podcasts/summaries here on the blogposts: Honorable Mention and The Final Journey

There were two calls that I feel require further response. Since the creation of this show, it has been extensively discussed and decided upon that I will not be quoting prices. Not mine nor any other funeral home’s. I will stay true to this policy and have many reasons for it. My reasons come down to ethics, integrity, education and relationships.

Yes, this is a show that advertises my family’s funeral home, but we are not auctioneers. Our business is based in professionalism, service, integrity and the relationships we build with our families that entrust us with the care of their loved ones during the hardest times of their lives. As funeral directors, we all, each and every one of us, swear an oath to not speak ill of each other and respect each other’s businesses. I take that to heart.

My mission on this show is to educate about various topics related to the funeral industry, death, dying, grief and memorialization. I seek to represent the industry as a whole and in doing so, respect the industry as a whole.

That being said, I understand today’s consumer. I am today’s consumer. My entire fall season was spent pitting Toys R Us against Amazon and Target for price match deals on my children’s Christmas list. But I also understand there is a difference between retail goods that you can compare “apples to apples” and business that provide services, merchandise, planning and in essence - human work, quality work. There’s a big difference.

You simply can’t group product retailers with quality service providers like wedding planners, funeral directors, photographers, lawyers, interior designers even auto mechanics. They all require a specific need. That need is to know YOUR specific needs before they can estimate what service is right for you before price can even be thought of. To the consumers benefit, and this is something I think gets forgotten about, is that in the process of sharing these needs and the professional presenting their service, is where you, the consumer get to feel if this person and these services presented are the right fit for you. THIS is the start of the all important relationship.

As a funeral director, this is so important to us and should be equally important to the families we serve. There has to be trust and a connection for planning something so intimate. I have yet, in ten years, to have NOT felt close to a family that I have served and the dynamic works both ways.

Getting back to my oath, it would be unethical and against my integrity to publicly speak about my prices, because it would open the door to people calling to have me speak to other funeral home’s prices. This would be against my ethics. I would feel like I am on an auction block and that is not what I have created this show to do. I’d be more than happy to discuss my prices on the phone, in my office or privately at a home of a client, but never on the air.

You see, I actually respect all funeral homes and understand why pricing is so different and without mentioning actual prices, I’d love to take the chance now to educate you on why. Funeral homes are run in so many ways. Some are family run, some are franchised, but it goes far beyond that. Pricing depends on many factors of operating expense. The basis of this business is that we have to be prepared for the inevitable - death. This means paying staff full time to be ready and on-call 24/7, 365 days a year, ready at a moments notice for when a call comes in. Staff that needs to be paid, even if that call never comes. Equipment, facilities, cars, merchandise, trade work. All of these things add to overall operating expense. I haven’t even gotten to the actual work that goes into pulling everything together when a funeral happens. Every funeral home has different ways of managing these elements. Some are able to afford all of the items and staff in house, some out-source trade work. All of these aspects and more compounded with regional trends and costs of living are merely a few elements of why funeral homes have various justified reasons for different prices on their services and merchandise. It is simply not an “apples to apples” comparison.

It is always your right as a consumer to “price shop” but don’t do yourselves the disservice of merely looking for numbers. Seek the prices along with the quality of the relationship you can gain even from a phone call. You will find the right funeral home that way, I assure you. My show will gladly help you understand the general workings of this industry but I will never sacrifice my integrity, ethics and respect for any funeral home by becoming an auctioneer.

On a lighter note, I’d like to end with a wonderful visit I had this week from my favorite pre-arrangement and (past guest on the show) to date, Leo Jarvais, the man who made his own casket and plans to have it standing upright in the wake room “Cowboy Saloon” style. He dropped by my office this week to drop off pictures from his “test run” for me to share with my listeners and readers. So here he is, pink booty slippers and all… If you missed his show click here for the Cowboy Funeral blog post.

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The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

Pet Loss: If You Love Them, You'll Grieve Them

The grief we feel is testament to the love we shared. This sentiment is so true. Without love, we wouldn't grieve and without the knowledge of the impending end of life, we wouldn't love as profoundly as we do. 

That being said, is there an example of unconditional love as powerful as that between a pet and its owner? Non-verbal, loyal, uncomplicated, devoted, at its simplest form - love. The grief when they pass is earth shattering and with 35% of society not being pet owners, it's easy to see why this grief is misunderstood or invalidated.

CLICK HERE to listen to this week's podcast, dated 1/7/2015

My guest on this week's episode of The Silva Lining, Coleen Ellis, is an expert on this topic. A chance encounter with a pet parent facing the death of her pet was a defining moment for Coleen in 1998. It was the beginning of her vision of how to best meet the needs of pet parents in their desire to mourn, memorialize and pay tribute to their beloved pets when they die. In 2004, the experience of the death of her dog, Mico, guided her in starting the nation’s first stand-alone pet’s-only funeral home. Soon, publications such as Kates-Boylston’s Pet Loss Insider deemed her the “most well known pet funeral director” and a true “pet loss pioneer.”

In 2009, Coleen founded Two Hearts Pet Loss Center, to guide people who wish to provide meaningful pet death care services in their communities, as well to be an educational resource in the pet grief discipline. In 2009, she received the first Death and Grief Studies Certification specializing in Pet Loss Companioning by Dr. Alan Wolfelt as well as releasing her first book, Pet Parents: A Journey Through Unconditional Love and Grief. She is also Certified in Thanatology and is a Certified Pet Loss Professional.

By 2014, Coleen was ready to take her vision to a new level. Joining Nick Padlo as managing partner and Chief Marketing Officer, they formed an acquisition company whose mission is to standardize and raise the service levels of the pet loss industry. The Pet Loss Center strives to be the nation’s premier pet loss service, elevating the experiential component of pet loss and grief care across the country.

Coleen is a sought-after speaker on the topics of pet loss and grief. Through her delivery style, pet care professionals learn a variety of techniques immediately applicable to implement on how to companion families in their grief journey. Furthermore, her talks to pet parents give them the permission they need to not only grieve but mourn the loss of their beloved pet.

Coleen is currently the co-chair and founder of the Pet Loss Professionals Alliance and past president of the International Association of Animal Hospice and Palliative Care. She is a native of Kansas where she graduated from Fort Hays State University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Marketing.

We had a great discussion about pet loss grief, touching upon the "well intentioned" support that comes from those who don't understand; the importance of including children who are grieving their pets and the many "teaching moments" that are presented; as well as some beautifully creative memorialization ideas for honoring the lives of your beloved pets.

The importance of helping survivors pets with their grief was also a topic we discussed. It isn't as common logistically that the other pets in the household are able to come to the hospital when another pet passes away in order to realize that they have passed. Coleen brought up that since most animals process situations through their sense of smell, she has recommended that after the pet passes away, to have a clipping of fur cut from the pet to be brought home to the surviving animals. This way, they can actually smell and process that their fellow pet has passed away, rather than go through the anxiety, depression and behavioral problems that come with the fact the the pet in their lives has just vanished. 

Coleen is such an inspiration for education in this field and it was an honor to speak with her. I look forward to learning more from her in the future and would love to help anyone locally find out about options available for their pets here. In my research, I was really impressed with what Angel View Pet Cemetery and Crematory in Middleboro has to offer. CLICK HERE to visit their website for more information. 

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor, St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union. We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com