The Story of Your Life: Evolution of the Obituary

Obituaries date back to ancient Rome, where metal or stone slabs inscribed with announcement of a death and details of the funeral would be hung on a wall in the forum for all of the citizens to see. A community was provided a general space for citizens to share community announcements.

Newspapers, from the beginning, took on the role of the forum, providing that general but local place where people could share their loved one's passing. Staff writers would compose appropriate and dignified obituaries - and due to the long period of newspaper affluence - these obituaries were news pieces and free of charge. From the 70's up until the late 90's there was a mutually beneficial compromise. The obituary was free and somewhat formatted, while the details of the funeral services became a (reasonably priced) classified ad called a Death Notice. 

With the presence of the Internet, everything started changing. Online obituaries bring life to the obituary, adding capabilities for the community to engage with the bereaved family in a variety of ways. Many predicted, quite prematurely, that newspapers would become obsolete. Yes, newspapers have fewer subscribers, higher overhead and less staff, but the fact remains: Newspapers are not going anywhere. Newspapers still provide the valuable "Forum" - the general place with the greatest community reach to share the news of somebody's passing. It is the reference point that people immediately turn to when word of mouth alerts them of a death, but they need to find more information. Most of that information is what leads them to the funeral home's obituary.

My incredible guest on this week's The Silva Lining was John Heald, Vice President of Funeral Home Business Development for Legacy.com, the largest obituary network in the world. John has an extensive background in the funeral industry and his ahead-of-the-trend accomplishments with Tributes.com and Legacy.com have given him valuable insights into the needs of three affected parties that don't usually connect; Funeral Homes, Newspapers and grieving families. John and I discussed some wonderful examples about the potential power the obituary can amass when newspapers and websites are used hand in hand. There are also options available to optimize both mediums on any budget.

We also talked a bit about personalized obituaries and I wanted to share my Aunt Ana Larrivee's obituary as an example of truly injecting the essence of a person into their tribute:

"A sixties flower child turned earth mother; Ana was a natural, fun-loving beauty, a great friend to many, always young at heart and full of life. A positive energy, she enjoyed music and dancing, and good times were sure to be had when she was around."

Here, I'd like to share with you a collection of interesting and unforgettable obituaries - my favorite is #2! CLICK HERE to read the article from Huffington Post. It really highlights the different ways obituaries can be written and even the phenomenon of people self-writing their own obituaries.

So here we are. Newspapers and the Internet. Newspapers are charging anywhere from $200 to $1500 for obituaries. Funeral home websites provide a free alternative for families to create an obituary but lack the reach of the newspaper. The key is this. Regardless of budget needs, utilizing both newspapers and the internet is the best way to make the most out of the obituary that portrays the way your loved one will be remembered, the lives touched and left behind, the love shared, and above all, the call answered to gather all of those who will provide love, support and cherished memories with the family.

To learn more about Legacy.com please visit their website where you can search for obituaries around the world by name, location, newspapers, etc. and find amazing resources about creating obituaries, funeral etiquette and grief support.

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

Addiction: Shedding the Stigma with Awareness, Support and Hope

Too many families have sat in front of me numb, defeated, unsure of their overwhelming emotions, struggling to plan a funeral that honors the memory of their loved one for the person they were - including and not in spite of - the addiction that took their life. Too many have shared the journey full of devastation and hope, support and isolation, acceptance and failures, strength and weakness of this epidemic so powerful, it renders it's victims powerless.

Beyond any opinions and perceptions, the facts remain. Addiction affects the entire network of family and friends connected to the person struggling to overcome it. Addiction possesses no prejudice, stereotype or morality and takes hundreds of lives each day in America alone. 

This week's intention was to help promote awareness by explaining the unfortunate aftermath of addiction, available support and above all, hope.

I was joined by two incredible women from Learn to Cope - Merielle Paul, Senior Regional Manager and Linda Botelho, Lead Volunteer Facilitator for New Bedford and Brockton. 

Learn to Cope is a Massachusetts based peer-led support network for families dealing with addiction and recovery that provides: 

• Weekly Meetings in 20 locations across Massachusetts, including New Bedford and Taunton, with a group in the beginning stages that will meet in Fall River. 
• A private, 24/7 online discussion board with national reach.
• Training in overdose prevention and the administration of nasal Narcan, a drug that reverses potentially fatal overdoses, keeping the hope of recovery alive for many families.
• Educational programs and speaking events at health fairs, schools and community organizations.

Please visit their website www.learn2cope.org for more information

Merielle and Linda talked about the Avitabile family from Taunton that lost two of their sons to addiction, James in 2013 and Patrick last month on August 18th. The mother, Ann, reached out to the local newspaper, inviting them to the funeral to show that "real lives are being affected by this disease".  

CLICK HERE to read the article by the Brockton Enterprise, HERE to watch the poignant eulogy, given by Patrick's brother, Kevin Avitabile and HERE to read Patrick's obituary.

The family also chose to openly mention Patrick's addiction in his obituary while also highlighting his attributes, all of the people he loved and how he will be remembered. Across the country, more and more people that have lost a loved one to addiction are choosing to address the truth and realities of addiction in the obituary. I invite you to read this beautifully written article on Boston.com about the awareness these obituaries are spreading and the meaningfulness they provide to the families that have written them.

When I first called Merielle at Learn to Cope, I was hoping to find out if there was any assistance or support for families that lose a loved one to addiction. Funeral costs are a burden I'm familiar with - one that families in these situations are especially unprepared for. Plus, the family I'm helping currently opened my eyes to the massive financial and logistical situations beyond the funeral that are left behind by those that pass away. I was determined to find out about any advice, support or resources available and Merielle told me about GRASP and Just A Little Help Burial Funds.

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GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing) is a nationwide support network, providing sources of help, compassion and most of all, understanding, for families or individuals who have had a loved one die as a result of substance abuse or addiction.. They have chapters all over the country holding monthly meetings and a wealth of resources online. Please click on the image to view the Massachusetts Chapter meetings and visit www.grasphelp.org for more information.

Just A Little Help Burial Funds was started by a mother who lost her son from a fatal drug overdose. An anonymous donor was kind enough to alleviate some of the financial burden to her family and she started this charity so that she could "pay it forward" to provide financial assistance to families that lose a loved one to addiction and help raise awareness on the effects that addiction has on families. JLH Burial Funds is currently in the fundraising process and hopes to have the funds available to start assisting families with funeral costs as soon as next year. For more information and to make donations, please visit jlhburialfunds.com

Today's show displayed the amazing potential people have to help and support each other. At the core of each organization mentioned today are real people fueled by love, grief and personal experience, wholeheartedly determined to spread awareness, ensure that nobody is alone in the epidemic that is addiction and above all, proof that there is hope to overcome it.

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

The Final Journey: The Meaning Behind Funeral Processions and How To Respect Them

The Funeral Procession is simply defined as a procession where family/friends, on foot or in vehicles, accompany the deceased to the place of memorialization and ultimately to the final resting place. Funeral processions can be solemn, personalized and in some cultures, a celebration.

In this fast-paced society, some view funeral processions as a nuisance, created solely to make people late to wherever they may be traveling to. It usually isn't until people find themselves in a procession, riding behind their loved one, that they understand the true significance.

With today's episode of The Silva Lining, I aimed to highlight the reasons processions are needed, ways to respect them and to offer a new perspective without having to experience that solemn ride in the limo. I was joined by my incredible grandfather, Hon. Milton R. Silva to discuss this topic from his memories of what funeral processions where like throughout his life in the industry. To take advantage of his legal career, he also shared the current laws surrounding funeral processions - and in true "Not Guilty Milty" fashion, there were some great stories thrown in, as ONLY he can tell them.

To summarize, here are some practical reasons for having funeral processions:

• Keeps family/friends/attendees together throughout the events of the funeral
• Makes the day of the funeral as easy as it can be for the overwhelmed and grieving family
• Aids in navigation so that attendees don't get lost
• Allows the funeral director and staff the ability to control and manage the logistics of parking in an orderly fashion

When driving in a procession, be sure to have your car's lights and hazards on and to stay as close as safely possible to the car in front of you.

If you see a procession coming, wether in your car or on foot, remember above all to NEVER cut in or interrupt the procession. It may seem like a nuisance, but the more that drivers attempt to cut in or pedestrians try to cross the street, the slower the funeral will have to travel as the director tries to keep everyone together. 

Instead of letting stress take over, I urge you to take a moment, exude some empathy for the family and maybe send up a prayer for the deceased. As a funeral director, I have witnessed many ways that people have shown respect for the family and the deceased as a procession goes by. Pedestrians will stop walking, bow their heads, maybe remove their hats; someone mowing the lawn will turn of the motor and pause; around election season, supporters and candidates holding signs at major intersections will signal to each other to lower their signs and bow their heads; all of these gestures, I assure you, mean so much to the family.

I gave some examples on the show of some personalized processions that I've witnessed, but want to share with you one of the most touching that I've heard of. A 3 year old boy passed away from a rare disease in Arizona and his parents made a simple post on Facebook before his funeral requesting anyone with a truck to come to the funeral because their son loved trucks of all kinds. CLICK HERE to read what happened.

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com

We Salute You: Ways That Our Veterans Are Supported and Honored

Upon the death of a veteran - the military is there. They play taps, fold the U.S. Flag and present it to the family, saying (a variation of), "On behalf of the President of The United States and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

From this simple and eloquent statement, what stands out to me the most is that not just the military is grateful - they also include the government and its citizens. I believe this is a testament to the support provided to veterans from the combined efforts of all three.

The military, along with the government, at both federal and state levels, provides as much services and support as their resources allow. Wherever there is a gap, it is the grateful citizens of our nation that work together to find these gaps and fill them.

In the state of Massachusetts, we are fortunate enough to have excellent support in place within each town/city and a wonderful foundation run by citizens/retired military personnel to support our veterans and their families. From knowing there is a single person in town that a veteran can reach out to for advocacy, advice and support to a foundation that will help with unexpected financial hardships and even can fly home all of a fallen hero's family members when tragedy strikes; Massachusetts has the gap efficiently filled.

On today's episode of The Silva Lining, I was honored to have as guests, Heather Cheetham, Veteran's Service Officer for the Town of Somerset and SGM James Kelly (Ret.), President of the Military Friends Foundation.

For five years, Heather Cheetham has proudly served the veterans of Somerset, assisting them with financial support, end of life care options and burial benefits. In a world where the thought of simply seeking information garners anxiety about where to look, who to call and what to ask, knowing that each of Massachusetts' 351 towns/cities has a person to turn to is a huge comfort throughout the whole process. CLICK HERE for Heather's information online, call her at (508) 646-2827 or visit the office at Somerset Town Hall, 140 Wood St., (Second Floor, Room 28), Somerset, MA 02726. For residents of other MA towns/cities, visit www.mass.gov/veterans and click on "Find Local VSO".

SGM James Kelly is the President of the Military Friends Foundation, established in 2003 with the financial support of generous private donors who wished to recognize the unique service of citizen soldiers and airmen. They provide outstanding support to veterans and their families, organize events to raise awareness and highlight community support for veterans, run and support various programs, such as "Adopt A Unit", "Hero's Salute", "Operation Smiles" and "Tough Ruck" to name a few. Donating to support Military Friends is not only easy and tax-deductible, but it also comes with the assurance that 97% of funds raised will go DIRECTLY to those veterans and families in need.

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I urge you to visit their website, www.militaryfriends.org, to explore all of their amazing work and hope you'll join me on September 12th in Dedham, MA for the Run/Walk For The Fallen. For more information, click on the flyer pictured here. (Click on the image to enlarge)

Also on today's show, I talked about some of the elements of military honors and some of the symbolisms behind them. For example, the U.S. Flag is folded into a triangle to symbolize the tri-cornered hat worn by the Patriots of the American Revolution.

Taps, the 24-note tune that most people can identify from hearing it played during military honors and flag folding ceremonies, was historically played as an infantry call for "Lights Out". Upon my own research, I found that the actual history of taps is pretty varied and highly interesting. CLICK HERE to read the best summary I found about the origin of Taps.

I came across some unofficial lyrics to Taps that I found perfectly fitting to the sentiment of the tune. My dear friend, Ryan Durkay beautifully sang the lyrics on today's show. (On the podcast you can hear it at 29:35). Here are the lyrics:

Day is done, gone the sun

From the lakes

From the hills

From the sky

All is well

Safely rest

God is nigh

The Silva Lining is thankful for our wonderful sponsor:

St. Anthony of Padua Credit Union - We are proud to be sponsored by such an incredible bank, that in an age of conglomerate banks treating people like numbers, maintains a relationship with its members based on trust, friendly service and loyalty. With competitive rates for savings accounts and various loans, St. Anthony of Padua can handle all of your financial needs. Convenient online banking and more information at www.stanthonyofpaduafcu.com